PERSONAL BLOG

Define Love Project || Day 12: Feeling Better

FINALLY.

I have FINALLY figured out how to make myself feel better when I’m deep into my sadness or depression. Obviously not right away, but honestly some of my tactics are laughable. Finding out what to do when I’m feeling anxious, sad, depressed, angry, ect. was probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Some of these things I learned from friends, family members, or just by being by myself and trying my best just to get that negativity out of my mind. Here are some things that I do to make myself happy, or to outlet negativity:

  1. Listening to music:

I used music to express how I feel. Whether its the lyrics or the progressions, the samples of sound or the strength of a voice… when I find music that I can relate to, I make sure to save it under a playlist for that emotion. I love finding new music and creating playlists that make me feel a certain way.

2. Singing

I recently just got a new car, well… an old-new car. The radio doesn’t work, and even though I have CD’s I can’t use them. So I just sing by myself in the car. In my old car I would play playlists that I made specifically to scream loudly while driving. Same thing for my shower. I’ve always loved to sing, and now I can use it to make me feel better. Recently my go-to singing-in-the-car artist is The Beatles. I scream Happiness Is a Warm Gun all the time.

3. Stand Up Comedy

One of my friends got me into stand up comedy recently. (You know who you are, and I don’t know if you even read these, but you have no idea how much it’s helped me. So thank you for that.) I love stand up comedy now. I listen to it at work, in the car, and I watch specials all the time when I’m at home. Its really hard to be sad when Bill Burr is screaming about thinning the population & supporting swine flu, or when Joe Rogan talks about how the Kardashians are actually demons. (I like dark humor, sorry) Plus, laughter really is the best medicine. I love to laugh.

4. Face masks, oils, & taking care of my skin.

I used to have really problematic skin when I was younger. I don’t really have that problem anymore, even though I didn’t take care of my skin for a long time. I recently started learning more about using natural cleansers and essential oils to take care of my skin, and I’m telling you that stuff works. It makes me feel better when I’m more mindful of how I take care of myself. Now all of my cleansers are organic, and I use face masks regularly. It’s awesome.

There are so many more things that I’ve learned, but I don’t feel like typing them all out right now. Taking care of myself and learning how to make myself feel better has made me more relaxed and content with things that go on in my life. Know yourself, I highly recommend it.

Peace & Love,

Riza

 

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 11: Family

I love my family.

My messy, confusing, loving, caring, crazy family.

They support & love me whether or not they approve of what I’m doing. They try to understand when I can’t explain how I feel. When I’m feeling down they always are there to pick me up, regardless of my endless stupidity & imperfection.

That’s the cool thing about family, at least in my situation. I’ve learned to be more understanding, and try to break down the reasons why my family reacts to the things I do. I’ve gained more patience for them, and have been continuously learning how to be unapologetic when expressing how I feel.

No matter where I go, or what I do, I know my family is there to take me in when I have nowhere else to turn to.

Peace & Love,

Riza

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 10: Dream Size

When I was in middle school, I planned out my entire high school career. The summer after 8th grade I took a summer class (by choice) so by the time I was a senior I would have completed all the health science courses, including the technical ones. I remember getting that course sheet plan in middle school, and my goal was to graduate high school with a CNA license and work as a CNA while I was in college. I executed every class since then, got great grades, and even planned to become an officer of the health science club (I was the president my senior year). All my plans had fallen into place and I was doing great.

The only problem is, I didn’t plan on changing my mind.

I had all of this set up, I thought I knew what I wanted…. and then I realized that I didn’t even want to be a nurse. After doing the clinical rotations and following doctors and nurses around, I couldn’t do that for too long… I would get so tired of it. Because who knows me better than myself?

Now I’m here, trying to figure out what I want to go to school for and what I want to do. I’ve developed dreams and ideas that I want to pan out so badly. Some of them are big, others are small, but each deserved their own love and attention.

I have big dreams of business running around in my brain. Working with a small business in their main office made me think, “I could totally do that.” Obviously dreams like that take lots of time, planning, and money, but for those things to happen I have to work hard now.

But, there are things that I want that aren’t so out of reach…

For example: I really want a pug. Like, how cute are those little guys? They all have their own personalities, with their smushed faces and weird barking. Whats not to love?

When I need inspiration to keep working hard and saving money, I’ll think to myself,

“Hey, if I don’t work hard now… how am I going to provide for my future pug!?”

These dreams of business and pug ownership are definitely not on the same level, but they both need to be worked for. I can dream about my future apartment (& I already know EXACTLY how I want it to be…) but if I keep dreaming about it, it’ll just stay a dream! The way I think about it is, no matter the dream, big or small, each day you have to work hard and work on yourself in order for those dreams to EVER become a reality.

My love for myself and the measures I take to care for my mental hygiene was not something that just kind of popped up in my mind to do. Taking each day one step at a time, I’ve realized that I’ve grown so much already just this past year!

So, what I’m saying is… I need to work hard  because I love and care about myself. I can do it! I can make it happen! I WILL have a pug in the future! I WILL save money, work hard, and finally have my own place to start my vinyl collection. Everything will fall into place if I strive for it to.

Peace & Love,

Riza

 

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 8: Enjoy The Ride

Everything happens for a reason.

That is something I’ve been told countless times. Never did I think that the things I went to were connected to the growth I have experienced now. I remember things that happened to me as a kid, my thoughts and dreams. These dreams are slowly coming to a reality, and I didn’t notice that the heartache and struggle that I go through now will create a better version of me in the future.

I am here, living in California. Making music, meeting amazing people, and learning more about myself everyday. Thoughts of the past and the future have rattled around in my brain for months. What’s going to happen? Why did that happen? It doesn’t matter, it already did.

Dreams and goals are so quick to excite us that we fall in love with that idea of the end goal. Each day you are going through things to reach your goal, the way that you pursue and fight through each struggle will determine how you will grow. Eventually, the person you wanted to become will blossom, but that will only happen if you carefully take care of the person you are each day. And what freedom & happiness that will bring you.

Focusing on the moment, enjoying it with every fiber in my being, and working hard to take another step up to my end goal… that’s how I will know my own definition of success, happiness, and love.

Peace & Love,

Riza

 

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 5: You’re Talking A Lot, But I Like It…

As I have gotten older, my tolerance for people has shrunk. I usually have to be the one to initiate conversations and such, which gets boring after a while. It’s come to the point that now I try not to talk too much to new people. My social life is very weird these days…

Although, I do have a couple of friends that I talk to regularly, and those are the people I know that usually talk more than me. Which I absolutely adore. I love it when one of my friends gets really excited about something that they’re going to do, or when they go on and on about a topic they really like to talk about. Sometimes, I don’t even have to talk. They’ll just talk and talk about something, anything.

These are the friends I learn cool things from, and the people I like to spend the most time with if possible. It makes my heart happy to see their smile light up when they’re excited to tell me something. It always makes me that more eager to hear what they have to say.

Or maybe I just like seeing my friends smile… 🙂

Peace & Love,
Riza.

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 4: I’m My Own Best Friend

How sad and pitiful does that sound? It’s definitely true, but it’s probably the best thing that’s happened to me. I’ve learned to be comfortable going days without hanging out with anyone. Most weekends I don’t even talk to anyone or make plans. I just wake up and think of something to do. Maybe I want to learn how to cook something, maybe I want to go to the beach, sometimes I just drive and listen to full length albums from start to finish.

I used to always want to be around people. My energy usually came from being around other people. It sucks not having that kind of group to go to anymore, but I’ll find a good group of friends when I’m supposed to. In the mean time, I’ve been learning a lot about myself. The main struggle I had during this past year was figuring out who I was. I felt that my interests were influenced by the people around me, and now there was no one around me to make me feel something.

Spending this much time alone fixed that right away. I quickly learned how to be okay with going out alone all the time. I found my favorite places to get coffee, I figured out where I would be able to play music for people, and I wrote more music than I ever had before. I know that I like to make playlists of songs that make me feel a certain way, and that when I play them back I get the same feeling.

When I struggle emotionally, I know what I need to pick myself up. It’s made me stronger, and a lot more emotionally independent. I know who I am, I know things about myself that I want to fix, and what I don’t want to fix. I do love myself, which is an awesome thing to feel. I’m comfortable with myself.

Besides, one day I’ll find the right person to wake up with chocolate chip pancakes… for now I’ll just make some for myself. (More for meeee)

Love yo’self.

Peace & Love,

Riza

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 1: Changing

It’s been exactly 1 year since I started the Define Love Project. As I look back on the Instagram posts of last year, I can’t help but see how I have documented my personal growth over this past year. My perspective on life & love has changed, and will continue to do so as I keep living. I have lost friends, lost love, and lost hope in myself and the world that I felt was crumbling around me.

This time last year I would depend on the people around me to find love, which is never a bad thing. Although now I would say I have a definite increase in love for myself. Learning more about who I am, not who I would strive to be for others. I now understand that losing friends and lovers is okay, healthy even. Life is all about living & changing constantly.

As time proceeded, I have become much more independent. The person I have grown into is so visibly different from the person I was last year, and I have come to accept the person I am becoming.

Accepting change is love.

Changing in itself is love.

As you or the people you love continue to change and grow, its okay to admit that being apart of their life isn’t whats best. Love is more than just holding on, its knowing when its the right time to cut some slack. I know for a fact I was in love last year. The happiness that this person brought to me was something I could only dream of. We are both in the peak of change, and I now realize that we have grown out of each other…and that is okay.

Letting go of that deep love was heartbreaking, but I now understand why it needed to happen. I find peace in knowing that I will be happier, and I will find that kind of love again.

I’m changing, I’m growing, I’m moving around and trying to figure out who I am & what I want to do with my life. I know what I need to work on in myself, I must be patient and know that these changes will come whether I like them or not. Changing things about yourself to what you feel is the best for you, is loving yourself. You have control over that, and, although it may come with time, you will continue to grow into the person you choose to be.

Peace & Love,

Riza