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Define Love Project 2017 || Day 15: Body Positivity

I think my most favorite trend that has been going around the social media world is body positivity.

Just the general idea that if you are alive you are beautiful head to toe! You a an amazing & unique creation, and you don’t need anyone to tell you so.

I’ve always had insecurities about my body, as everyone does. Being Filipino, I always have Tita’s commenting on my body when I gain weight. They don’t mean to be hurtful, but not only does it bring my self esteem down, its freaking annoying. I think the worst thing was when I came back from the Philippines and one of my friends mom told me, “Oh! What happened to your sexy body?!”

Like, c’mon tita, it’s still here.

I used to hate a lot of things about my body. Stretch marks, my smile, my hands, ect. Then I realized that this is me! Its my smile & hands & marks that make me… me! Why spend time bringing myself down? I can work out & take care of my body of course, but I don’t need to be upset about things I can’t change about my body.

Gotta love the body I got.

Peace & Love,

Riza

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 14: Hopeless Romanticism

Happy Late Valentines Day!

Valentines day isn’t my favorite time of the year, whether or not I’m in a relationship. I had a conversation with one of my friends about it before, and we’ve figured out what we would take out of it. Basically, when you really love someone, you would take any opportunity to show that love off… hence the hype of Valentines Day.

Anywaaaay.

I must confess that I am a hopeless romantic. Which is probably a shocker to most because I have a project that is revolved around love…. HA.

Ever since I was little I romanticized relationships. I remember getting written up in preschool for kissing a boy in a toy castle. (I was the princess, get over it.) Growing up I would always develop little crushes, and was that weird girl that told boys that I liked them all the time. I was a mess.

Even recently, I love the thought being with someone. But, since my last relationship, I’ve noticed that my mindset about relationships & romance has changed.

As much as I am a hopeless romantic, I’ve come to find that it’s hard for me to express how I feel about someone I have feelings for. Recently I’ve just been holding it in, and then bursting it out all at once. Which isn’t ideal, but I’m still changing & learning.

I’ve noticed that I’ve veered away from feeling like I need SOMEONE. Just, ANYONE. That was my issue before, as much as I did love him… when he would threaten to leave me I would be more scared of being alone than him leaving me. Which isn’t healthy at all. Now it’s more of a want than a need, and now I’m definitely more specific about what I want.

I can be alone now, and I do it fairly often. Granted, I still have a hard time dealing with emotions & feelings I get for a person, but for some weird reason it’s a different feeling now. What I think I’ve learned is the difference between wanting and needing someone.

There is a person I’ve been having feelings for recently, and I guess only way I could describe it is this: I want to be around this person because they make me feel like a better person. I feel more myself, definitely happier, and, just like my other favorite people to talk to, he talks more than I do. (I like it when people talk more than me.) The way I feel about my bestest guy-friends (which is only 2 other people) I feel about him, but with romance involved. There are a lot more things I could say, but if he reads these and doesn’t tell me I’d regret it….

I don’t feel like I need to be around him all the time to be happy, I just really like being around this person. There’s a high probability that this situation won’t end in a relationship, and that actually doesn’t bother me at all. If anything, he’s set the bar for any other person that may come into my life. This feeling is new to me, and if whoever I’m with in the future can’t make me feel this way… then I should probably move on to the next one.

But for now, I just want to enjoy the time I do have with him. Keep doing cool things & listening to new music & funny stuff. Because, no matter what happens, he’s made a really great positive impact in my life in ways he doesn’t even know.

I’ll close it with this, because I love The Beatles & John Lennon put what I want into words… (Even though John Lennon wasn’t the best with women)

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Peace & Love,

Riza

 

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 13: Galentines

Happy Galentines day!!!

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I’m not around my gal pals right now, long distance relationships suck. Nevertheless, today is the day I share about how much I love my GALS & PALS. (Pals are guy-friends that I am also in love with.)

I’m not going to tell you WHO EXACTLY these people are, but I’ll just let you know that I love them. I even have a pact with one of them that we’d get married if we aren’t married by 40. One of those kinda friends.

I’ve always spoiled my friends. Once I started getting a paycheck, I always bought presents every Christmas for every person in this close group of friends. Sometimes I get specific presents for people, one friend I have gets a new vinyl every Valentines Day… because I love them.

These are the people whose children will be calling me Auntie. The people I make pacts with, and plan on traveling the world with. Their love fullfills the love I don’t get from being in a relationship… (How lonely does that make me sound??? very.)

I JUST HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE!!!!

I can’t really share much without giving away who these people are, but I am honestly & truly in love with them. The loves of my life forever. Its awesome being able to have these people to go to when things in my life go wrong. There’s nothing like being in major friend-love.

P.S. I strive to be the Leslie Knope of my friend group.

Peace & Love,

Riza

 

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 11: Family

I love my family.

My messy, confusing, loving, caring, crazy family.

They support & love me whether or not they approve of what I’m doing. They try to understand when I can’t explain how I feel. When I’m feeling down they always are there to pick me up, regardless of my endless stupidity & imperfection.

That’s the cool thing about family, at least in my situation. I’ve learned to be more understanding, and try to break down the reasons why my family reacts to the things I do. I’ve gained more patience for them, and have been continuously learning how to be unapologetic when expressing how I feel.

No matter where I go, or what I do, I know my family is there to take me in when I have nowhere else to turn to.

Peace & Love,

Riza

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 10: Dream Size

When I was in middle school, I planned out my entire high school career. The summer after 8th grade I took a summer class (by choice) so by the time I was a senior I would have completed all the health science courses, including the technical ones. I remember getting that course sheet plan in middle school, and my goal was to graduate high school with a CNA license and work as a CNA while I was in college. I executed every class since then, got great grades, and even planned to become an officer of the health science club (I was the president my senior year). All my plans had fallen into place and I was doing great.

The only problem is, I didn’t plan on changing my mind.

I had all of this set up, I thought I knew what I wanted…. and then I realized that I didn’t even want to be a nurse. After doing the clinical rotations and following doctors and nurses around, I couldn’t do that for too long… I would get so tired of it. Because who knows me better than myself?

Now I’m here, trying to figure out what I want to go to school for and what I want to do. I’ve developed dreams and ideas that I want to pan out so badly. Some of them are big, others are small, but each deserved their own love and attention.

I have big dreams of business running around in my brain. Working with a small business in their main office made me think, “I could totally do that.” Obviously dreams like that take lots of time, planning, and money, but for those things to happen I have to work hard now.

But, there are things that I want that aren’t so out of reach…

For example: I really want a pug. Like, how cute are those little guys? They all have their own personalities, with their smushed faces and weird barking. Whats not to love?

When I need inspiration to keep working hard and saving money, I’ll think to myself,

“Hey, if I don’t work hard now… how am I going to provide for my future pug!?”

These dreams of business and pug ownership are definitely not on the same level, but they both need to be worked for. I can dream about my future apartment (& I already know EXACTLY how I want it to be…) but if I keep dreaming about it, it’ll just stay a dream! The way I think about it is, no matter the dream, big or small, each day you have to work hard and work on yourself in order for those dreams to EVER become a reality.

My love for myself and the measures I take to care for my mental hygiene was not something that just kind of popped up in my mind to do. Taking each day one step at a time, I’ve realized that I’ve grown so much already just this past year!

So, what I’m saying is… I need to work hard  because I love and care about myself. I can do it! I can make it happen! I WILL have a pug in the future! I WILL save money, work hard, and finally have my own place to start my vinyl collection. Everything will fall into place if I strive for it to.

Peace & Love,

Riza

 

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 8: Enjoy The Ride

Everything happens for a reason.

That is something I’ve been told countless times. Never did I think that the things I went to were connected to the growth I have experienced now. I remember things that happened to me as a kid, my thoughts and dreams. These dreams are slowly coming to a reality, and I didn’t notice that the heartache and struggle that I go through now will create a better version of me in the future.

I am here, living in California. Making music, meeting amazing people, and learning more about myself everyday. Thoughts of the past and the future have rattled around in my brain for months. What’s going to happen? Why did that happen? It doesn’t matter, it already did.

Dreams and goals are so quick to excite us that we fall in love with that idea of the end goal. Each day you are going through things to reach your goal, the way that you pursue and fight through each struggle will determine how you will grow. Eventually, the person you wanted to become will blossom, but that will only happen if you carefully take care of the person you are each day. And what freedom & happiness that will bring you.

Focusing on the moment, enjoying it with every fiber in my being, and working hard to take another step up to my end goal… that’s how I will know my own definition of success, happiness, and love.

Peace & Love,

Riza

 

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 2: Trial & Error

Heartbreak sucks, pain sucks.

But, it’s a part of life.

And also a sign that you are living.

Relationships and friendships come and go, and whether they end on good terms or not we always relate the end as something negative. I personally have a fear of losing people, which is something I’m slowly getting over. On yesterday’s post I talked about the changes we go through as we grow, and that knowing when to cut relationships loose is a sign of love.

Love is a complicated feeling; it can make you happy or totally destroy you emotionally. It’s love to want to keep friends around, its love to be heartbroken when someone leaves you. When things are changing and people leave our lives, it’s our job to take something out of those relationships.

We constantly regret relationships that end, blaming ourselves for being dumb and careless. How could let this happen? What did  do wrong? When in reality, we do not control the way others think, or the actions that they do to hurt us. We may have given more love, or given less love, than the other person. Sometimes things don’t work out, but everything happens for a reason.

I strive to not regret the things that I’ve done or the relationships that have fallen through. Every relationship is a trial & error, maybe I gave more, maybe I didn’t give enough. I learn what I want or what I need to change after each ended relationship or friendship, and then my standards go up. If I have deep feelings for someone I know that if there is another person, they have to make me feel something similar or more; even when I thought it couldn’t get better.

I’m allowing myself to be happy, whether things work out or not in the future. I’ve learned from someone that it’s better to enjoy the moment now than worry about what the future of that friendship or relationships holds. I’m happy that I have been letting myself be happy, there is no need to put myself through anymore pain.

It’s all a process of trial and error.

Peace & Love,

Riza