Relationships/Dating

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 14: Hopeless Romanticism

Happy Late Valentines Day!

Valentines day isn’t my favorite time of the year, whether or not I’m in a relationship. I had a conversation with one of my friends about it before, and we’ve figured out what we would take out of it. Basically, when you really love someone, you would take any opportunity to show that love off… hence the hype of Valentines Day.

Anywaaaay.

I must confess that I am a hopeless romantic. Which is probably a shocker to most because I have a project that is revolved around love…. HA.

Ever since I was little I romanticized relationships. I remember getting written up in preschool for kissing a boy in a toy castle. (I was the princess, get over it.) Growing up I would always develop little crushes, and was that weird girl that told boys that I liked them all the time. I was a mess.

Even recently, I love the thought being with someone. But, since my last relationship, I’ve noticed that my mindset about relationships & romance has changed.

As much as I am a hopeless romantic, I’ve come to find that it’s hard for me to express how I feel about someone I have feelings for. Recently I’ve just been holding it in, and then bursting it out all at once. Which isn’t ideal, but I’m still changing & learning.

I’ve noticed that I’ve veered away from feeling like I need SOMEONE. Just, ANYONE. That was my issue before, as much as I did love him… when he would threaten to leave me I would be more scared of being alone than him leaving me. Which isn’t healthy at all. Now it’s more of a want than a need, and now I’m definitely more specific about what I want.

I can be alone now, and I do it fairly often. Granted, I still have a hard time dealing with emotions & feelings I get for a person, but for some weird reason it’s a different feeling now. What I think I’ve learned is the difference between wanting and needing someone.

There is a person I’ve been having feelings for recently, and I guess only way I could describe it is this: I want to be around this person because they make me feel like a better person. I feel more myself, definitely happier, and, just like my other favorite people to talk to, he talks more than I do. (I like it when people talk more than me.) The way I feel about my bestest guy-friends (which is only 2 other people) I feel about him, but with romance involved. There are a lot more things I could say, but if he reads these and doesn’t tell me I’d regret it….

I don’t feel like I need to be around him all the time to be happy, I just really like being around this person. There’s a high probability that this situation won’t end in a relationship, and that actually doesn’t bother me at all. If anything, he’s set the bar for any other person that may come into my life. This feeling is new to me, and if whoever I’m with in the future can’t make me feel this way… then I should probably move on to the next one.

But for now, I just want to enjoy the time I do have with him. Keep doing cool things & listening to new music & funny stuff. Because, no matter what happens, he’s made a really great positive impact in my life in ways he doesn’t even know.

I’ll close it with this, because I love The Beatles & John Lennon put what I want into words… (Even though John Lennon wasn’t the best with women)

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Peace & Love,

Riza

 

Define Love Project 2017 || Day 2: Trial & Error

Heartbreak sucks, pain sucks.

But, it’s a part of life.

And also a sign that you are living.

Relationships and friendships come and go, and whether they end on good terms or not we always relate the end as something negative. I personally have a fear of losing people, which is something I’m slowly getting over. On yesterday’s post I talked about the changes we go through as we grow, and that knowing when to cut relationships loose is a sign of love.

Love is a complicated feeling; it can make you happy or totally destroy you emotionally. It’s love to want to keep friends around, its love to be heartbroken when someone leaves you. When things are changing and people leave our lives, it’s our job to take something out of those relationships.

We constantly regret relationships that end, blaming ourselves for being dumb and careless. How could let this happen? What did  do wrong? When in reality, we do not control the way others think, or the actions that they do to hurt us. We may have given more love, or given less love, than the other person. Sometimes things don’t work out, but everything happens for a reason.

I strive to not regret the things that I’ve done or the relationships that have fallen through. Every relationship is a trial & error, maybe I gave more, maybe I didn’t give enough. I learn what I want or what I need to change after each ended relationship or friendship, and then my standards go up. If I have deep feelings for someone I know that if there is another person, they have to make me feel something similar or more; even when I thought it couldn’t get better.

I’m allowing myself to be happy, whether things work out or not in the future. I’ve learned from someone that it’s better to enjoy the moment now than worry about what the future of that friendship or relationships holds. I’m happy that I have been letting myself be happy, there is no need to put myself through anymore pain.

It’s all a process of trial and error.

Peace & Love,

Riza