How sad and pitiful does that sound? It’s definitely true, but it’s probably the best thing that’s happened to me. I’ve learned to be comfortable going days without hanging out with anyone. Most weekends I don’t even talk to anyone or make plans. I just wake up and think of something to do. Maybe I want to learn how to cook something, maybe I want to go to the beach, sometimes I just drive and listen to full length albums from start to finish.
I used to always want to be around people. My energy usually came from being around other people. It sucks not having that kind of group to go to anymore, but I’ll find a good group of friends when I’m supposed to. In the mean time, I’ve been learning a lot about myself. The main struggle I had during this past year was figuring out who I was. I felt that my interests were influenced by the people around me, and now there was no one around me to make me feel something.
Spending this much time alone fixed that right away. I quickly learned how to be okay with going out alone all the time. I found my favorite places to get coffee, I figured out where I would be able to play music for people, and I wrote more music than I ever had before. I know that I like to make playlists of songs that make me feel a certain way, and that when I play them back I get the same feeling.
When I struggle emotionally, I know what I need to pick myself up. It’s made me stronger, and a lot more emotionally independent. I know who I am, I know things about myself that I want to fix, and what I don’t want to fix. I do love myself, which is an awesome thing to feel. I’m comfortable with myself.
Besides, one day I’ll find the right person to wake up with chocolate chip pancakes… for now I’ll just make some for myself. (More for meeee)
Peace & Love,